Thinking back to my days in Korea during my middle and high school years, I remember that I always had a personal affection and sense of ownership for my church. The church was not only “our church” but “my church”. It wasn’t just me who felt this way, this sense of ownership in the church was common among most children my age. We spent long hours contemplating how we could love God more and make our youth group a better place. We urgently pleaded with God for our church, and a church friend’s struggle was always my struggle.
However, I could not sense such ownership and passion among the church kids in the US. Oftentimes, they were just guests in the church. After they got older and became high school and college students, they did not consider the church they grew up as their church, but it remained instead as their parent's church. Eventually they even started to think that God was not their own God, but their parents’. I pondered and struggled for a long time searching for reasons why.
One possible reason could be that their mobility is limited; they need parents' help to go anywhere. Even their trip to the church requires a car so they are naturally put under the parents control for any gatherings they want to have. There is not much they can do about this transportation issue but if they are willing, I think this is the issue we can overcome.
So I think a more compelling reason is that for second generation Koreans, their parents' Korean church is not inclusive enough. First of all, the language spoken in the church is Korean; they cannot easily bring their friends over. Second, it is hard to explore new roles in the church once their Sunday school days are over. Squeezed between their parents and other adults, finding opportunities to serve is challenging. Third, oftentimes, a Korean church is stuck with the outdated mindset which has nothing to do with the Bible's teaching. Adapting to this old mindset is not easy even for the young first generation Koreans. However, to the second generation Koreans, the church may feel like a place where they are forced to accept such reality. For all these reasons, as the second generation Koreans grow up, they find that Korean churches do not offer much room where they can establish identities.
Thus, second generation Koreans often link Korean churches to their parents, the first generation Korean with a fixed mindset. I think this is probably why the second generation Koreans want to declare themselves independent from church, especially their parents’ church, as they go to college and prepare for separation from their parents. If college is far away from home, a separation from the parents’ church is expected. However the problem is that they treat the Korean church where they grew up not as their ‘Mother church’, but as ‘Mother’s church’. ‘Mother church’ is my church but ‘mother’s church’ is Mom’s church. The difference is that while you have a longing to go back to the ‘Mother church’ you want to declare independence from your ‘Mother’s church’.
The bigger problem is that in a critical time when children establish their identities, they get passive in the church and start to distance themselves from the church. Eventually some children fail to have personal relationships with God, but only get to see their parents’ God from a distance, and leave the church and God at the end.
This was my thought and struggle that led me to believe that we should build our children their own church.
(To be continued..)
From, Pastor Jiwon Choi